On October 31, 1881, Nancy Bills Turner boarded the S.S. Atlas with her three daughters bound for Boston, Massachusetts. According to a letter from my grandmother, her husband William Turner left for the United States of America some time before to secure a job and housing for the family. Nancy along with her daughters Isabel, Florence, and Mary left Newton, England and boarded the ship just after Isabel Turner’s thirteenth birthday. The ship arrived in Boston, Massachusetts on November 16, 1881. I could find little more about William and Nancy Turner. Turner was a common name in England as well as in America. A Google search for William and Nancy Turner in Newton, England yields thousands of pages. Searching a number of different ways still produces hundreds of leads with a recurring Joseph Mallord William Turner, an impressionist painter of the 1800s. The fact that Isabel Turner was a teacher suggests that she was educated. While education was more common in the late 1800’s, for females it was generally reserved for those who could afford it so it is likely her parents came from at least a middle class or upper middle class background. Regardless of the socioeconomic status of William and Nancy Turner, it is evident that their daughter Isabel Turner married into the elite upper class of Fall River society.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Family Matters Part 2
I realize this is probably pretty boring, but it does get more interesting next post. :)
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Family Matters Part 1
To follow is part of a Geneology Project I have been working on for one of my English classes. If I get enough hits, I'll post more of the story:
Researching my mother’s family history became an intriguing and unwieldy task, involving numerous phone calls and spending hours pouring over old letters and family documents then chasing down leads via the internet. Someone on my father’s side of the family had already compiled enough information to fill a three inch binder complete with a copy of the family crest, possible reasons for immigration, and records of ancestry back to Denmark in the early 1600s. On the other hand, my mother’s family history was like assembling a puzzle with missing pieces without a picture diagram, fitting together tidbits of information from an incomplete family tree and thirty year old hand written letters. What I discovered astounded and baffled me. Buried beneath the mountain of yellowing papers was history filled with affluence and revelations of my family giving insight into my mother’s personal psyche.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Hot Topic! "Tiger Mom"
It seems that the “Tiger Mom” hit a hot spot around the world; from cartoons to articles of both support and outrage. My blog on the subject produced the largest number of hits to date; double of my previous top ranking blog. I’ve read several follow articles and responses to Chua. Apparently, she did not choose the title the Wall Street Journal used and her book is about her journey away from being a Chinese mom when her 13 year old rebelled.
Another friend sent an article about the fierce competiveness of the Chinese culture. Some places in Hong Kong require a resume and interview to ensure a child is proficient in Mandarin BEFORE they enter pre-school. Early childhood development begins at age 2. While we struggle to bridge the education gap for our low income families, China has made huge strides in even outlaying villages. While China should be proud of their nation’s accomplishment in education in just a few years, they are still lacking. "Many Chinese complain scathingly that their system kills independent thought and creativity, and they envy the American system for nurturing self-reliance - and for trying to make learning exciting and not just a chore."
Apparently it is hard to duplicate creativity and ingenuity.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/16/opinion/16kristof.html?_r=2
Apparently it is hard to duplicate creativity and ingenuity.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/16/opinion/16kristof.html?_r=2
Monday, January 17, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Tiger Mom
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html?mod=WSJ_hp_MIDDLENexttoWhatsNewsTop
When Gerald read excerpts from this article this first thing I felt was “inadequate.” I have not had, nor do I expect to have a valedictorian or a violin prodigy. In fact the one child who was interested in violin we steered her to viola because it is less competitive and quite frankly a less squeaky instrument for a child to learn. While my children’s report cards have consisted primarily of “A’s” there have been times that they had “B’s” and even occasionally a “C” (gasp!). Does this make me a bad mom?
Of course I’m reading into this, but it seems according to the article that the mom is the determinate of how well the child performs. Since the article spoke in generalizations, I’ll speak in generalizations as well. It is a perception that Chinese males are work-a-holics, leaving the raising and disciplining of the children to the mom. Wow! That stresses me out just putting on paper. I cannot imagine having the raising of 4 children exclusively on my shoulders. Gerald, my husband, and I have often times had to take a divide and conquer role with our children. Sometimes they needed dad, others mom. Math and music were always Gerald’s field, English and History more mine.
Chua claims that a Chinese mom expects their children to be perfect and even an “A-” is unacceptable. “For example, if a child comes home with an A-minus on a test, a Western parent will most likely praise the child. The Chinese mother will gasp in horror and ask what went wrong.” Furthermore, she states, “If a Chinese child gets a B—which would never happen—there would first be a screaming, hair-tearing explosion. The devastated Chinese mother would then get dozens, maybe hundreds of practice tests and work through them with her child for as long as it takes to get the grade up to an A.” I want my children to succeed, but I also want them to have a life and social interaction with their peers.
While I do get onto my children about their grades and I do expect them to take ownership and work to improve sub “A” grades, I season it with compassion and try to give them the tools to be successful. Depending on the circumstances they may be grounded from television and/or games. “Chinese parents demand perfect grades because they believe that their child can get them. If their child doesn't get them, the Chinese parent assumes it's because the child didn't work hard enough. That's why the solution to substandard performance is always to excoriate, punish and shame the child. The Chinese parent believes that their child will be strong enough to take the shaming and to improve from it.” I cannot fathom intentionally “shaming” my child. We have moved so many times and our kids have had to adjust to new schools and make new friends. I want our house to be a refuge. There are enough people out there knocking them down, they certainly don’t need me “shaming” them when they get home. We’ve hired tutors when necessary, spent extra time on homework, encouraged musical participation, then let them determine their other activities.
The valedictorian when my daughter graduated was a Chinese girl and scored a perfect 1600 on her SAT. While many universities accepted her, she was waitlisted at Harvard. I’m sure it must have disgraced her parents who didn’t even go to her high school graduation to hear her speech. In retrospect it wasn’t her ability to perform that kept her out of Harvard; it was her lack of well roundedness. While she wrote for the school newspaper, she did not have any other extra-curricular activities, no community service, and no positions of leadership. This article in the WSJ makes me understand her family a little more. While she was perfect in every other way, she lacked the humanity that contributes back to society probably because she was not permitted to participate in those activities. So while her parents may have been disappointed, it was their own fault that she had to “settle” for Cornell.
After I synthesized the article, I decided not to beat myself up about it. My children are incredible. My oldest child a graduate of Cornell University working for Teach for America. The next child is at University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and is the top drummer in the jazz program. He picked his own instrument and was never forced to practice 3 hours a day. Now I think he’s getting close to 3 hours a day but it’s only because he is passionate about music. The middle schooler is first chair bass in the orchestra and was a starter in football both 7th and 8th grade. (For my Texas friends this is a big deal because there is only one middle school team.) All 4 of my children were in the Academically Gifted programs. I have not forced them to practice their instruments. The boys have played video games. They have all tried many activities to see what really excites them. Gymnastics, football, soccer, bass, piano, viola, cheerleading, choir, drums, guitar, the list goes on and on. They also have read a plethora of books: classics, fantasy, historical fiction, Christian. They are well adjusted, respectful children who are generous and kind hearted. They know that their parents are their biggest fans and that we will love them no matter what. We do hold our children to a high standard, but it is season with compassion and grace. We are far from perfect, but our children know we don’t expect them to be perfect either.
When Gerald read excerpts from this article this first thing I felt was “inadequate.” I have not had, nor do I expect to have a valedictorian or a violin prodigy. In fact the one child who was interested in violin we steered her to viola because it is less competitive and quite frankly a less squeaky instrument for a child to learn. While my children’s report cards have consisted primarily of “A’s” there have been times that they had “B’s” and even occasionally a “C” (gasp!). Does this make me a bad mom?
Of course I’m reading into this, but it seems according to the article that the mom is the determinate of how well the child performs. Since the article spoke in generalizations, I’ll speak in generalizations as well. It is a perception that Chinese males are work-a-holics, leaving the raising and disciplining of the children to the mom. Wow! That stresses me out just putting on paper. I cannot imagine having the raising of 4 children exclusively on my shoulders. Gerald, my husband, and I have often times had to take a divide and conquer role with our children. Sometimes they needed dad, others mom. Math and music were always Gerald’s field, English and History more mine.
Chua claims that a Chinese mom expects their children to be perfect and even an “A-” is unacceptable. “For example, if a child comes home with an A-minus on a test, a Western parent will most likely praise the child. The Chinese mother will gasp in horror and ask what went wrong.” Furthermore, she states, “If a Chinese child gets a B—which would never happen—there would first be a screaming, hair-tearing explosion. The devastated Chinese mother would then get dozens, maybe hundreds of practice tests and work through them with her child for as long as it takes to get the grade up to an A.” I want my children to succeed, but I also want them to have a life and social interaction with their peers.
While I do get onto my children about their grades and I do expect them to take ownership and work to improve sub “A” grades, I season it with compassion and try to give them the tools to be successful. Depending on the circumstances they may be grounded from television and/or games. “Chinese parents demand perfect grades because they believe that their child can get them. If their child doesn't get them, the Chinese parent assumes it's because the child didn't work hard enough. That's why the solution to substandard performance is always to excoriate, punish and shame the child. The Chinese parent believes that their child will be strong enough to take the shaming and to improve from it.” I cannot fathom intentionally “shaming” my child. We have moved so many times and our kids have had to adjust to new schools and make new friends. I want our house to be a refuge. There are enough people out there knocking them down, they certainly don’t need me “shaming” them when they get home. We’ve hired tutors when necessary, spent extra time on homework, encouraged musical participation, then let them determine their other activities.
The valedictorian when my daughter graduated was a Chinese girl and scored a perfect 1600 on her SAT. While many universities accepted her, she was waitlisted at Harvard. I’m sure it must have disgraced her parents who didn’t even go to her high school graduation to hear her speech. In retrospect it wasn’t her ability to perform that kept her out of Harvard; it was her lack of well roundedness. While she wrote for the school newspaper, she did not have any other extra-curricular activities, no community service, and no positions of leadership. This article in the WSJ makes me understand her family a little more. While she was perfect in every other way, she lacked the humanity that contributes back to society probably because she was not permitted to participate in those activities. So while her parents may have been disappointed, it was their own fault that she had to “settle” for Cornell.
After I synthesized the article, I decided not to beat myself up about it. My children are incredible. My oldest child a graduate of Cornell University working for Teach for America. The next child is at University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and is the top drummer in the jazz program. He picked his own instrument and was never forced to practice 3 hours a day. Now I think he’s getting close to 3 hours a day but it’s only because he is passionate about music. The middle schooler is first chair bass in the orchestra and was a starter in football both 7th and 8th grade. (For my Texas friends this is a big deal because there is only one middle school team.) All 4 of my children were in the Academically Gifted programs. I have not forced them to practice their instruments. The boys have played video games. They have all tried many activities to see what really excites them. Gymnastics, football, soccer, bass, piano, viola, cheerleading, choir, drums, guitar, the list goes on and on. They also have read a plethora of books: classics, fantasy, historical fiction, Christian. They are well adjusted, respectful children who are generous and kind hearted. They know that their parents are their biggest fans and that we will love them no matter what. We do hold our children to a high standard, but it is season with compassion and grace. We are far from perfect, but our children know we don’t expect them to be perfect either.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Better Late than Never!
Today I put our Christmas cards in the mailbox to be mailed. Yes, I realize it’s January but I figure it’s better late than never. Right? So our Christmas letter was brief and my list was short. Sorry for moving so much that no one can keep up with us. Now that I have that checked off my list it is time to get cleaning! If I don’t do it now, who knows the next time I’ll get a chance. So the Christmas decorations are boxed and put away. Oops! I missed the Santa on top of the refrigerator. I wonder what else I missed… Wrapping paper put away, tackled the big pile of laundry and finally washing all those sheets from our full house at Thanksgiving. Eeek!
I had an epiphany on New Year’s Eve. As we wondered the streets of downtown Raleigh for First Night, I realized I no longer have little ones. I know, I know, the kids have had birthdays and two are already out of the house but it wasn’t until we were walking in the crowded streets that it dawned on me. Moms always count heads especially with a crew our size. I kept feeling like I was miscounting. One, two, three, four, five, six, and my sister makes seven. Wait, who am I missing and I would count again. Then I realized, the heads I was counting were too tall! When did this happen? How did all my little babies get so big??? I was already a little remorseful that I will no longer have an elementary school student next year, but this was a shock. So my friends, if you feed your children they will grow. And even if you threaten to stop feeding them, they find food and you really could never stop feeding them anyway. Lol
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Blessings Galore…
Although it’s almost 9 am, the house is quiet; which is quite a feat with 16 people in the house. The aroma of Gerald’s famous Creole turkey fills the air and shortly there will be all the fixings to go with it. Today is Thanksgiving, but I have been filled with thanks all week. I could have passed on having a math test Tuesday afternoon, but it is great to have the house full of friends and family. There is no greater feeling than knowing you can be yourself, and know you are still loved anyway. It is quite amazing to see how beautiful our kids are, inside and out. I know, everyone thinks their kids are amazing, but mine are amazing people. This semester in school we read a poem by Ben Jonson he wrote just after the death of his first son who was only seven years old.
On My First Son
by Ben Jonson
Farewell, thou child of my right hand, and joy ;
My sin was too much hope of thee, lov'd boy.
Seven years thou wert lent to me, and I thee pay,
Exacted by thy fate, on the just day.
Oh, could I lose all father now ! For why
Will man lament the state he should envy?
To have so soon 'scaped world's and flesh's rage,
And if no other misery, yet age !
Rest in soft peace, and, asked, say, Here doth lie
Ben Jonson his best piece of poetry.
For whose sake henceforth all his vows be such
As what he loves may never like too much.
Our professor asked us what the last line meant, what does he mean using the words “love” and “like” in that way. Being the only mom in the room, I raised my hand… As a parent we will always love our children, no matter their shortcomings, or choices – good or bad, but to truly like them means that even if they were your children you would like being with the anyway. In this time that is a rare occurrence. Usually people think that to love someone is the greater act; however in this instance to “like” is actually a more profound emotion. There is no doubt of my love for my children, but I truly “like” who they are. They are so much fun to be around, but it is amazing to see their interaction with people. They have good and compassionate hearts, full of wit, overflowing with personality, each one so different from the others but all of them intelligent and beautiful.
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